Why You Gotta Be So Obnoxious? My Review of "Rude"

I'm reviewing a song now. Because it's my blog and I do what I want!

Last summer radios exploded with a reggae sensation Magic! That's Magic! with an exclamation point. Like they're screaming at you. Also when you speak the band name, you're supposed to yell as the exclamation point instructs. Even if it's a question.

For example:
"Jeff, have you heard the new song by Magic!?"
"Why are you yelling at me, Greg?"
"I'm just excited about the pop music scene's evolution into a more eclectic sphere thanks to Magic!"
"Please stop."

Magic!'s song "Rude" tells the tale of a fellow's struggle to get his girlfriend's father's permission to marry her.

The song attempts to lead the listener into thinking the singer is going to see his girlfriend to "ask you a question" but then it turns out that he's talking to "an old-fashioned man." By now the confuzzled listeners don't know what the hell is going on until the singer bops into "Can I have your daughter for the rest of my life/until someone younger and hotter comes along." And shockingly the father tells him no, after which the singer launches into that oh-so-catchy chorus of lamenting on how "rude" he's being and how he's hurting his feelers and then decides "Meh, I'm going to marry her anyway."

...You're going to "marry her anyway"?? Then what was the point of asking for permission? "I don't care what you say; I'm undermining your ass!"  Now who's being rude?

By the way, his first mistake was saying "Can I" instead of "May I." There's a huge difference between "Will you allow me the opportunity to marry your daughter (may I)?" and "Do you think I'm physically capable of partaking in a matrimonial ceremony with your daughter (can I)?"  Maybe the father was just being bluntly honest with him by answering no. "No, you can't marry her because you're one of those guys who just talks about it for the first two months of the relationship before you fizzle out and focus more on groupies and fantasy football. Then she'll just dump you."

The whole premise of this song is just asinine. If he's really that hellbent on marrying this girl, why is he letting some guy stop him? Unless he has some serious morality issues and needs to validate them.

"Sir, can I marry your daughter?"
"She's three years old."
"WHY U SO MEAN!!"

But despite him making the effort of respectfully involving her father, the singer still vows to go behind his back and do the deed anyway and even threatens to "run away to another galaxy." Now there's a guy who clearly has his shit together. Dad, you're being a dick!

 By the end of the song, Magic! has everybody rallied on their side fighting for justice and equal rights for deadbeats everywhere. They've even taken Twitter by storm with their hashtag #nomeansyes

The song ends as it began. Crappily. And with no successful persuasion. The lesson? When dad says no, ask mom. If they both say no, write a pouty song about it and make millions of dollars.

Well, thank you, Magic!, for teaching Americans that you don't need permission for anything if you want it badly enough.

Also, congratulations on your one hit wonder. I'll be seeing you at the Boise Music Festival in about eight years.