Some of you may have seen one of these and thought "Wow, I thought that movie was still in theaters, but I can get it today! And it's actually in stock! This must be my lucky day!" And after the fateful credit card transaction and confusing, frustrating 10-45 minutes of "...What IS this??" filled with fast-forwarding and double- maybe triple-checking your disc, you realize then that you've been robbed and deceived and the evil copycatters on that second-floor office in Denver are laughing all the way to the bank.
If you have fallen victim to this atrocity, do not be ashamed. You are not alone.
...I mean, I never have. I'm too smart for them. Bwahaha!
But millions of Americans have been victims of movie duping. And surprisingly enough it's not a new thing! The first case of movie duping dates back to 1939. Studio execs saw the booming success of a blockbuster and wanted a piece of the pie. They came up with the idea of releasing a sub-par film under a near-identical name and movie poster, thus avoiding pesky copyright laws and banking on the naive, unobservant consumer stumbling in and spending money on a film that they weren't meaning to see. Genius!
Here's one of the actual posters from 1939.
I probably would've fallen for it myself.
So as you can see, movie duping has been confusing movie-goers way before the birth of Netflix and Redbox. In fact, I can personally tell you of one from my own childhood.
The year was 1994 (Yes, I'm OLD!!) and I had an unhealthy obsession with The Lion King. I loved this movie so much, I was willing to undergo breakthrough, perhaps borderline illegal surgery to become a lion. But I had posters, bed sheets, dolls, watches...pretty sure I was single
handedly bankrolling Disney's Christmas parties with my consumption. But the one piece of Lion King memorabilia I didn't have yet was the most quintessential of them all: the movie itself!
Being a young, stupid child, I didn't understand the concept of scheduled film releases. All I knew was the movie was no longer being shown in the theater and the next step was for it to come out on VHS (...I told you I'm old!) so I bothered my parents to check every day at the video stores to see if The Lion King was on video. Every day I was disappointed. "Not yet, Jamie," they would say.
"But WHEN??!! Maybe you just didn't see it! Go check again! Go! GO! HURRY BEFORE SOMEONE ELSE BUYS IT!"
Yeah, I was pretty dense.
So one day my father, bless his soul, came home one day from his daily trip to the video store with a parcel in tow. "I got you something you might liiike!" he sang to me.
I remember promptly abandoning my Lion King cereal and bolting to him, arms extended to the VHS in his hand. "YOU GOT IT!!" I screeched to the world.
When I grabbed the video out of his hands, I feasted my eyes upon it and beheld my coveted--
...
The fuck?
Is this a joke?
Is this some sort of
SICK
FUCKING
JOOOOOKE????!!!
I immediately thrust the atrocity back at my dad like the spoiled brat I was and told him he got the wrong movie.
"But you might like it better than The Lion King!" he insisted. "You'll never know unless you give it a try!"
Better than The Lion King?
BETTER than The Lion King????
Even with a tiny child brain I could tell from the first glance at the cover that it paled in the shadow of its superior Disney counterpart. The duration of the film was 45 minutes. The cover animation was lousy. Siskel and Ebert didn't even give it any thumbs...probably because they knew better not to waste their time! This movie was obviously trying to pass itself off as the loveable blockbuster...or at least trying to sucker in kids like me to watch it! But I knew better. I wasn't going to fall for their shit, and I was going to tell my dad such.
"But Daaaaaad..." was my respectable retort.
"Just give it a chance," he said before leaving me alone with the pathetic excuse for a cartoon.
I grumbled as I shoved the cassette into the VCR thinking "Maybe he's right."
This thought lasted for a grand total of 2.5 seconds.
The movie was exactly what the cover promised: inferior garbage.
I was so enraged that I left the room several times while the TV played to an empty couch. I think even my VCR was mad.
45 agonizing minutes later, I rewound the tape (not only am I old, but I'm also courteous to other suckers) and threw it back at my dad proclaiming my rage and disappointment and that I'd never trust any of his decisions again.
But being as young and idiotic as I was, the rage I was channeling to my father should've been directed to the film executives who spent time making a piece of garbage to market to unsuspecting children as myself and banking on our excitement for a film about anthropomorphic lions. Shame on them! They are the real enemies!
So anyway as you can see, movie duping has been pissing off people of all ages and generations. Don't be a victim! Fight the power! Buy only licensed products! Eat eggs!
